Oy! What a beautiful morning

I'm not Jewish, I just like the word Oy. And I'm determined to make this a beautiful morning.

Woke up at 3 to the sounds of rummaging in my kitchen. So I grabbed my sharpened mop handle from under the bed thinking I'd catch some crackhead in the act...only to find my damned dog going through the trash. He almost got cracked on the dome which is why I don't need a gun...he'd surely have been popped in the ass. I cursed him like a true champion seeing as I'd just spent $133 at the vet to see what was wrong with him and all of a sudden he has enough energy to wake up in the middle of the night and go through garbage???!!

Unable to go back to sleep I consumed a 1/2 pint of Haagen Daaz Light Vanilla Bean ice cream sprinkled with Oh's cereal. I don't know what in the hell was wrong with me but it tasted like heaven. Thank you Haagen Daaz for the Light version.

Yesterday's assignment was semi-successful on a 50 year old, gray bearded white man. Attractive in a Sean Connery way which is very nice but based on our conversation he probably talked to me because I reminded him of a black version of his daughter. No breast caresses with Daddy Dearest...that ain't sexy. Grade: D

I'll be carrying the assignment over to tonight. I'm one of the judges for a dance competition. All of the friends who are in on Flirting 101 will be judges also so I have to shine. As we have to look superior whatever the hell that means and can't wear jeans. What the hell, I say. Do they realize this thing is in a community center? I mean they've put in work but dammit to hell I can look fabulous in jeans. Did I mention it's in a gym!!!